Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Dun Goofed.

Damn, we just got our asses kicked.

$79 down the drain.

If they make a game of the TV show Lost.
It will be Lost: The Game.

It's been fun but since I made this blog for one sole reason,
it's time to say goodbye.

See you on the other side,
Steven Seagal

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Small Update v2

Hello everyone,

I had a very busy weekend (as always, it seems) and did not get to view any blogs. Yes, I missed out on two days of supporting my fellow bloggers.

But I am back now, and will support all my followers daily yet again. So have no fear, Steven Seagal is here!

Pic related, I'm back!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Spam From My Inbox

Here is some spam I found in my email inbox.

Hello Dear, Good morning or whatever the weather may be over there,how is the weather in your country?,my name is Lauren I'm tall and nice looking girl i just decided to drop you some words just to say hello and how was today,i saw your profile at and i will like to known more about you, please i will be very happy if you can reply me  so that we can go further to known each other,we can be good friends,write me direct to my mail box at, Hope to hear from you.
yours Lauren. 



I workwith a bank In West Africa, Burkina Faso .I have a business transaction foryou.
In mydepartment we discovered an abandoned sum of $10.5 Million US Dollars .In anaccount that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with hisentire family in car bomb in Iraq .

Sincehis supposed next of kin died along side with him at the Bomb blast, there isnobody to claim the left over balance in the account. It is therefore upon thisdiscovery that I and other officials in my department decided to seek yourassistance and present you to the bank as his Next of kin.

If youaccept I would give you the guide lines of how we can achieve this transfer ofthe balance (10.5Million Dollars) to your account. And we will shear the money50-50%.
I expectthat you will give me your telephone and fax numbers for easy communicationwith you and for more details.
Mr Yusuf Amodu.

Do You Want Insane Traffic?

I'm sure EVERYONE wants a lot of traffic to their blogs, it will help them expand and get more support.
I, Steven Seagal, found a way. It's the simplest way possible. All you have to do is view 6 ads on the site, then you get to place your own ad, and when you place your ad, people will have to view it in order to put their ad! IT'S BRILLIANT!

Pic related, it's brilliant!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Public Service Announcement


Because I have very little time, I will still be checking out everyone's blog, only I will not be commenting at all, as it takes too long. But I WILL still check out EVERYBODY's blog DAILY. So don't worry if I don't comment, I have still checked out your blog and given you some much needed support.

And Nischal, I did not touch your balls.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Being An Actor

Hi everyone.

Most people reckon acting is one of the easiest and funnest jobs in the world. They would usually be correct. It certainly is fun, and easy if you have the talent. However almost nobody has any idea the type of commitment acting carries.

When you're filming a movie, the time involved is huge. It can take 3-4 months of shooting to film every scene needed; this is usually more scenes than are actually in the movie, to give the editor(s) and other crew members more to work with. Scenes will be shot every day, occasionally the main actors will get a couple of days off, excluding the weekend (which they 80% of the time get as default). Sometimes, during busy scenes, each day of shooting can last from as early as 9am to as late as 8 or 9pm, if night scenes are required to be shot on the same day.

That is a massive commitment for any actor. Every day you come back to where you are staying (usually a hotel) and are utterly exhausted. I doubt there are many other jobs that "fulfill" you in this way. And if you are a popular actor (yes, such as myself!) you can expect to shoot up to 2 and a half different films over the course of a year. As I have said, the times involved are huge.

But obviously, the payoff is huge as well. Most actors for films get paid quite a substantial amount of money. I am by no means a Hollywood regular (think George Clooney etc) however I certainly earn enough to survive! It can often be difficult to juggle between work and your personal life - they sometimes merge into one. Luckily I definitely have enough time to relax in front of my Xbox on most days (or even practice a few moves).

So yeah, all in all, acting is by no means "easy" per se. But if you really get into it, it is the greatest career anyone can hope to have. Once you gain experience and get over the first couple of months of feeling awkward, it becomes unbelievably fun, especially if you get to know the people you are working with. After just a few weeks, we are all a family, because we spend so much time with each other, and become good friends. I wouldn't give acting up for anything else in the world, I love it too much.

Thanks for reading and staying with my blog, I hope I can continue to entertain, both here and in my films, and I will see you later!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Small Update

Hey everyone, Steven here, I just checked out everyone's blogs, as I do everyday. I don't have time to leave comments on every blog but do know I checked you out. Sh*t was literally so cash.

Perhaps you too can check my blog daily, who knows, you might find something of interest. Thanks and have a good and prosperous night.

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Tale of Hahahahahmed.

Hi guys, wrote this in my spare time. Every day I check out others' blogs and test out my new mouse. Hopefully all those blogs can check out mine and make sure all elements of my blog are working alright ;)

Once upon a time, there lived a man called Hahahahahmed. He lived in the forest of Douchiness, just south of the village of Spongebob Squarepants. On a wonderful summer’s crap, he farted and was whisked away to AAAAAAAAAA, the capital city of BBBBBBBBBBBBBBB. Arriving there, he found a girl on the side of the road. He heard her calling for help in her small voice... “Help me... Help, please... I can’t...” Hahahahahmed asked her what was wrong, and she chose her words carefully; “I need a shite! I have diarrhoea! IT WON’T COME OUT!” Grabbing her hand, he led her to the public toilets, where after a couple of minutes, brown smoke started to erupt from the air vents, poisoning all life within an 80,000,000,000 kilometre radius.

Later, he found a motel, aptly named “Motel”. Warily, he entered, looking around for signs of Michael Jackson. Suddenly, someone popped out from a McMuffin and started screaming, “Hello! My name is Lindsay Lohan!” She grabbed Hahahahahmed and started to shake him so hard his bipedal nostrils erupted into a blaze of contraceptive units.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

It's That Time Again!

The time where I go and pay a visit to all the blogs that I have followed, and help them in their endeavors. Hopefully it's the time for the people who are following me to do the same, and visit my blog to aid me in my endeavors.

On a slightly related note, I have noticed that some followers simply "mooch" content from others. If this is you, I advise you to leave the circle otherwise consequences will never be the same.

Some Cause For Thought

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.

A couple of funny pictures of me.

I don't even remember where this one was taken!

This is my face when I play guitar :)

A few action packed pics of me

A Whole Lotta Awesome Arnie Quotes

As I was browsing Youtube I stumbled upon this video of 160 Greatest Arnie quotes. That guy is awesome, he's funny in his films as well as a total badass, and he's pretty cool in real life too. I met him at his California residence last summer, discussing a possible film.

A Parody Of My Films

Hi guys,

The Onion and I have made a little parody of my films; a new movie starring myself, called "Cockpuncher".
Check out the trailer for it below!

Friday, August 27, 2010

The start of something new.

Hi guys, Steven Seagal here, I recently finish filming for my new movie "Machete".

As you know, I like to wear ponytails. But after I finished shooting, I thought, "hey, why not have something different?". So here's what I did:

I went to the barber.
Asked them for a new hairstyle.

It was as simple as that, and now look at me, I look fantastic. Yep, I am now 100% proud to be Steven Seagal, a force more powerful than Chuck Norris :)

Speak to you later!