Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Small Update

Hey everyone, Steven here, I just checked out everyone's blogs, as I do everyday. I don't have time to leave comments on every blog but do know I checked you out. Sh*t was literally so cash.

Perhaps you too can check my blog daily, who knows, you might find something of interest. Thanks and have a good and prosperous night.

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Tale of Hahahahahmed.

Hi guys, wrote this in my spare time. Every day I check out others' blogs and test out my new mouse. Hopefully all those blogs can check out mine and make sure all elements of my blog are working alright ;)

Once upon a time, there lived a man called Hahahahahmed. He lived in the forest of Douchiness, just south of the village of Spongebob Squarepants. On a wonderful summer’s crap, he farted and was whisked away to AAAAAAAAAA, the capital city of BBBBBBBBBBBBBBB. Arriving there, he found a girl on the side of the road. He heard her calling for help in her small voice... “Help me... Help, please... I can’t...” Hahahahahmed asked her what was wrong, and she chose her words carefully; “I need a shite! I have diarrhoea! IT WON’T COME OUT!” Grabbing her hand, he led her to the public toilets, where after a couple of minutes, brown smoke started to erupt from the air vents, poisoning all life within an 80,000,000,000 kilometre radius.

Later, he found a motel, aptly named “Motel”. Warily, he entered, looking around for signs of Michael Jackson. Suddenly, someone popped out from a McMuffin and started screaming, “Hello! My name is Lindsay Lohan!” She grabbed Hahahahahmed and started to shake him so hard his bipedal nostrils erupted into a blaze of contraceptive units.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

It's That Time Again!

The time where I go and pay a visit to all the blogs that I have followed, and help them in their endeavors. Hopefully it's the time for the people who are following me to do the same, and visit my blog to aid me in my endeavors.

On a slightly related note, I have noticed that some followers simply "mooch" content from others. If this is you, I advise you to leave the circle otherwise consequences will never be the same.

Some Cause For Thought

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.

A couple of funny pictures of me.

I don't even remember where this one was taken!

This is my face when I play guitar :)

A few action packed pics of me

A Whole Lotta Awesome Arnie Quotes

As I was browsing Youtube I stumbled upon this video of 160 Greatest Arnie quotes. That guy is awesome, he's funny in his films as well as a total badass, and he's pretty cool in real life too. I met him at his California residence last summer, discussing a possible film.

A Parody Of My Films

Hi guys,

The Onion and I have made a little parody of my films; a new movie starring myself, called "Cockpuncher".
Check out the trailer for it below!

Friday, August 27, 2010

The start of something new.

Hi guys, Steven Seagal here, I recently finish filming for my new movie "Machete".

As you know, I like to wear ponytails. But after I finished shooting, I thought, "hey, why not have something different?". So here's what I did:

I went to the barber.
Asked them for a new hairstyle.

It was as simple as that, and now look at me, I look fantastic. Yep, I am now 100% proud to be Steven Seagal, a force more powerful than Chuck Norris :)

Speak to you later!